VOLDIE LOOKIN INSANE
by VampireExotica
Summary: How can I possibly summerise this! Ok... well...think along the lines of Chav rappers meet evil death eaters....throw in a hell of a load of insanity, question your own and mine, have a stiff drink and you might be ready to read this!


**Disclaimer:** This story is based off characters and locations owned and created by J. K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, Bloomsbury Publishing, Warner Brothers or any other company that own copyright to the Harry Potter series. The story may include characters and locations owned/created by other parties including but not limited to Joss Whedon, George Lucas, Lucasfilm, Fox, Paramount, Random House, Penguin Putnam, Inc., Ballantine Books, and a variety of other people. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

**WARNING! SWEARING AND INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR (especially for death eaters tut tut) AHEAD!**

DO NOT READ ON IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 OR NOT EXTREAMLY INSANE! ;)

Authors Note:

This was created by myself for Kat (FQ) our lovely headmistress at the hideaway (http:// thaelixir. proboards49. com) and she has kindly allowed me to share it with you.

I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters they all belong to the wonderful J.K.R and her associates etc.

Nor do I own the original lyrics to the song this little micky take/dedication ;) is of.  
'Guns Don't kill people, rappers do' is the property of Goldie Lookin' Chain and well done to them for thinking of it.

Anywho waffle over:

**To understand the little micky take first go to:**

http:// www.myspace. com/vampireexotica (deleting the spaces)

and listen to the profile song to get the best feel for this

**If the song isn't on please type:** Goldie Lookin' Chain 'Guns don't kill people, Rappers do' into your search engine and find the video / song and listen to it.

Heard it? Ok here we go! Hold on tight!

**VOLDIE LOOKIN INSANE LYRICS  
**  
**Wands don't kill people Death eaters do,  
**

A loud series of 'CRACK's and 'POP's filled the night air outside the forbidden forest. Dozens of Aurors gathered on the edge of the trees along side the Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge who once satisfied that everyone was present, pointed his wand at his throat and cast a spell, magically amplifying his voice so all in a several mile radius of his position could hear him...and to add to the importance of the situation...he'd spelled muggle police sirens to accompany his little speech...and so it begins:

_"Come out with your hands on your head  
Put down your wands and step away from the Dark Lord  
Put the Dark Arts book down,  
leave it alone – close it.  
What?"_

Wands don't kill people Death eaters do,  
Ask any Auror and they'll tell you its true,  
Its a fact Tom Riddle makes you violent,  
Like Lucius Malfoy telling little Muggles to be silent,  
You don't believe me? Here's my hype,  
Offer me the wizard and I'll show you the type,  
Of criminal this magic shit is breedin,  
Its a fact that Voldermort left me bleedin,  
Grinderwald made my mother say 'Fuck',  
If I stuck with Dumbledore then I woulda been in luck,  
But I didn't I got it wrong,  
Volde fucking mort to me to make a fucking bong,  
So I started, I bought another book,  
Those bad boy spells made my cock and balls ache,  
So remember kids from the head double tap,  
Wands don't kill people that's just crap!

Wands don't kill people Death eaters do  
So do the Aurors  
Woo Woo Woo

Wands don't kill people Death eaters do,  
I heard it in a documentary on WWW,  
Hexed to death outside Hyper Value,  
Wands blazin like Michael Cain in Zulu,  
Wands with sadistic are sometimes misleading,  
The type of criminal that Voldermort is breedin,  
A hex in the chest? No wonder you stopped breathin,  
2 for the base over, are you receivin?  
Remember wand duels back in '87  
Grinduwauld's up in Hip-wizard heaven,  
Salazar and Goderic R.I.P,  
Helga Hufflepuff's in the cemetery.

Wands don't kill people Death eaters do  
So do the Aurors  
Woo Woo Woo

Wands don't kill people Death eaters do,  
I'm a fucking Death eater and I might kill you,  
As a Death eater, I'm teachin you a lesson,  
Avada Kedavra to crucio and then some  
Just say no, just like Odo  
Hex proof vest, to wands and ammo,  
Hip-hop death-eater trippin,  
Even the weird sisters are into wand whippin,  
Its like muggle cluedo murder one,  
Regulus , Bellatrix in a nightclub with a wand,  
Heard Avery now wants to bust a hex,  
Wands don't kill people that's just crap.

One, Two yo face my shoe,  
My name is Professor Snape and I'm comin through,  
wand crimes, stabbin, and point deduction,  
Its on a rise all across the nation,  
The safety's off and the Wand is aimed,  
Teachers and the Ministry always get blamed,  
Politicians are shamed, and they haven't got a clue,  
Death eaters is more deadly than fucking Kung-Fu

Wands don't kill people Death eaters do  
So do the Aurors  
Woo Woo Woo

Wands don't kill people Death eaters do,  
From Bristol Zoo to B&Q,  
I wanna hex, I wanna curse  
Heard it in the pub now I'm into wand crime,  
Its a sign of the times like Riddle changin his name,  
Gotta have a wand to be in the Death eater game,  
Like Bellatrix about to snap,  
Wands don't kill people that's just crap!

Wands don't kill people Death eaters do  
So do the Aurors  
Woo Woo Woo

The Aurors snapped surprisingly quickly out of their shock at seeing a large gang of death eaters rapping and promptly arrested and bound all of them sending them straight to Azkaban to await trial, one eye witness on the scene is said to be undergoing serious psychological therapy, her Healers believe that her mind simply 'broke', unable to process the sight of her former and most feared potions professor (Professor Snape) yelling as he was being arrested "I-I love you mum, I love you Dad!"

**A/N: Now if you are not to traumatized please read and review. Thank you very much and Thank you to everyone at the Hideaway who inspired me. ;)**

(http:// thaelixir.proboards49. com)


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